Looking for the real dirt on your favorite costume-clad celebs? You’re in the right place, as the delectable Rosie Knight keeps us on top of the fights, flings and latest DCU gossip in this sensationally savage column.
Darlings, normally I would spend this introduction gushing about some fabulous activity I’ve been doing and all the delicious rumors that have come my way. But we’re living through unprecedented times and nothing about this moment is normal. That bold, brick barrier known as Amanda Waller has been hard at work sapping the “super” out of our beloved superheroes and I fear I too have been affected.
Sure, I’ve joked for as long as I can remember about my superpower to attract the hottest of goss, and I fear I may have been right all along! My gossip gathering abilities have been truly put to the test after I accidentally bumped into an angry Amazo at the supermarket last week and now the word on the street has been ripped out from under my feet. So, strap in and cross your fingers because this will be a rocky recap of the latest news and schmooze you can use.
ITEM: Superman Desperately Needs a Name Change
After the shocking developments depicted in real time within the pages of Absolute Power #1 by “Machiavellian” Mark Waid and “Dastardly” Dan Mora, there can only be one rumor topping my lustrous list. Without his sun-fueled ferocity, Metropolis’ beloved big blue boy scout is no longer flying high. And so, I fear that we now much acknowledge that this founding member of the defunct Justice League needs a new moniker that suits his current condition.
Some of the fellows at my local watering hole have floated “Alienman” while others have suggested “Capeman.” I would like to be the first to simply propose “Man” as it succinctly captures his present existence and perfectly highlights what’s missing in his life right now. Best of luck to our beloved Man. I know he’ll need it.
CONFIRMED: Amanda Waller Has Been Pulling Strings Since the Beginning of Things
Thanks to some spotless investigative reporting by John Ridley and Alitha Martinez in the eye-opening Absolute Power: Origins #1, it’s become clear that Amanda Waller has been crafting her pernicious plans for much longer than it seemed. Digging into her shrouded past, these dedicated journalists have dug deeper than any before, revealing the tragedies that turned Waller into the cantankerous crankypants she is today. Sadly, I have no humorous observations about the tribulations she had to endure as a wife and mother.
Things were pretty tough for ol’ Mandy, and she channeled her loss into a serious hatred of supes. I feel like we should’ve recognized the signs all along, as it’s all pretty obvious in retrospect, you know, what with systematic pattern of torture and forced labor of Metahumans. Also, clearly it was dearest Amanda who got that notorious nepo baby Oliver Queen elected as Mayor of Star City all those years ago. As far as I’m concerned, no educated public would ever vote that facial hair into office. We get it, you’re so dapper… *sigh* You can chill out with the mustache wax, Ollie.
EXCLUSIVE: Failsafe Fakes Artistic Ability to Turn Tables on Not-So-Superheroes
In 2024, the question of whether A.I. will be the downfall of society has been rife, and it seems like we’ve finally gotten our answer. Yes, not only has Bruce Wayne’s best bot Failsafe played a part in Waller’s sick schemes, but he’s using A.I. to do it! Now, of course, the speculation of whether Failsafe is A.I. himself is a question for a different column cos we’re talking about the shockingly scandalous fake videos he’s been pumping out to turn the public against the superhero class.
How did we uncover this scheme? Let me ask you a few questions in return. Since when did the Flash have eight fingers? How long has Wonder Woman had three whips? In what world does Batman have a cape with a picture of the Joker printed on the inside? Yes, dear readers, we noticed thanks to the clues left behind by generative A.I. Now will the public wake up and see what Waller is up to? That’s the biggest question going forward.
Anyway, I’ve got to get to the Iceberg Lounge and talk my way in before all my party-crashing powers dissipate. This is Rosie Knight signing off, and remember to spread the word…as long as you tell me first!!
Rosie Knight is an award-winning journalist and author who loves Swamp Thing, the DC Cosmic and writing the monthly gossip column here at DC.com. You can also listen to her waxing lyrical about comics, movies and more each week as she co-hosts Crooked Media’s pop-culture podcast, X-Ray Vision.
NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Rosie Knight and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.